Chapter 2-Fear of Not Mattering…….

Do you live in Smallville? Maybe you don’t literally live there, but do you mentally? Are you afraid of not mattering? Have you been thrown away? Used? Abandoned? Ladies….I can relate.

As I’ve grown in my horse-woman-ship, I’ve also grown spiritually. It’s amazing to me how God uses his wonderful creation to move us. However, my journey with my horses wasn’t always pretty! You’re horse is your mirror, and trust me….the reflection was far from pretty. How has your horse been a reflection of your fear?

I’ve found that women fall in love with things, people, & animals that make them feel significant in some way. We tend to want to resuce, save, help, love, and bring out the good that sometimes only we can see. We all like kuddos (even when they are unspoken), and I believe horses fill voids for women that we can’t seem to fill on our own. Can anyone relate to this?

“Each of us wants to matter-whether we strive for international fame or simply desire the love and respect of those we know. And when we find we have been overlooked, forgotten, abandoned, it hurts deeply. The truth, no matter how we feel, is that we are deeply important to God. But it’s not based on anything we do-we matter to God because we are HIS creation.” (Fearless-Disscussion)

What instances in your life have made you feel overlooked, forgotten, abandoned? Do you feel like you struggle with a Fear of Not Mattering often?

Write the following in your journal, or write it on a note card and hang it where you will see it everyday.
“For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” Ephesians 2:10

You can also look up the following scriptures: Psalms 139:14-15, Psalms 139:18, Matthew 10:29-31.

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15 Responses to Chapter 2-Fear of Not Mattering…….

  1. islescene says:

    thank you, well stated, deeply felt…

  2. kareneklund says:

    This is a hard chapter to reply to. I have accepted that I don’t matter – I don’t have a fear of it. I feel like I’ll be here today, gone tomorrow and yes, I’ll be forgotten just like my relatives before me. I have accepted that I have my duties to fulfill in my marriage and family and at my job, and when I’m not here to do it, I can easily be replaced with another woman that will do the same things. I have joy in my relationship with God, but have a hard time really accepting that God would pay attention to me when there are millions in this world now to pay attention to. Maybe I forget that God created me. I have to admit that I would love to be respected by others in my horsemanship, but I don’t have that confidence.

    • Jaye Lynn Keil says:

      Karen my fear is that I see things differently and do not ever want to hurt anyone feeling or upset them but you do matter to your family and to God. He watches over you ever min of every day and cares what happens to you. I do not believe you can be repalced that easy and will not be missed for several generations. I too am not afraid of death but am afraid of beiing the one left behind. I have a few friends and a few family members that really matter to me and I to them but I worry about leaving them behind. my brother passed 13 years ago and though the pain has passed the memories have not there are a lot of things that come up that we say I wonder what roy would do or sure wish Roy was here to help on this. My father passed a year ago and the pain is still hard to deal with and I miss him terriable but I know they are at peace gone but not forgotten. I know that the world will go on without me and my family will move on but by the grace of god I will not be easily forgotten I will be a positive influence on my family till my last breath and I will enjoy all I can while I am here there have been many stormy waters in my past and I am sure in my future but I am stronger for them and am glad to be the person God has made. My dad always told me you get out of life what you put into it and it is so true. I do not know you but I love you and hope to know you better. Goid bless your day

  3. kay says:

    “The fear that you are one big zero will become a self-fulfilling prophecy that will ruin your life.”

    I can definitely relate to this statement, fear of failure, and or embarrassment has prevented me from trying to do things, even things I feel I would really like to do.

    • kareneklund says:

      Kay, we have to remember that none of us are zero’s. Maybe we’ll learn to put fear out of our lives so we can do the things we that want. That would be great!

  4. Pat says:

    One of the phrases I highlighted was the one Kay mentioned about being one big zero. However, the other phrase was “If you could count his thoughts of you, they would be more in number than the sand!. I have this feeling I am important to God, always have as far as I can remember. I do realize my behavior can be disappointing to me as a person because I know it is disappointing to God. I realize I will never be a movie star or a famous singer, but I will always be important to God, to my family and to my good friends……and to myself (however that doesn’t mean I will be skinny!)!!!!.

  5. Denise Knudtson says:

    I feel I am important to God and many others – I am not egotistical about it – I know I matter to others because they feel my unconditional love for them. However, my fear lies in my lack of confidence in myself. In my childhood I was not made to feel important, therefore I am not confident in my abilities, so I can only go so far in feeling good about myself. This lack of confidence makes me fearful of living outside of my comfort zone.

  6. a694 says:

    I believe that I matter to God and am important to my husband and kids -though they are now grown. But, I have never been a person that had close friends. I’m not outgoing and don’t share my feelings easily. I do often feel over shadowed by people that are more outgoing. And at times, that makes me feel left out. At work, I am a manager so although I like all of my staff and feel that they respect me, I am not one of them. I belong to our church bell choir group and have known several of the women for 15- 20 years but again I don’t socialize with them as we don’t have anything in commen except bell choir. I have wondered what it is I lack socially that keeps me from forming close friendships. I know that I need “alone time” to recoup my “energy”. I do have one person that I would consider a close friend and that is like me in many ways. But, I guess my fear would be that as I get older, retire, I won’t have anyone, that I won’t matter to anyone.

    • kareneklund says:

      a694, I prayed for years for a horse buddy and it took years for God to send her my way, although she lives an hour away. I’m so grateful to have her! I think you will matter to more people than you realize now, and when you retire. You matter a LOT! I bet you don’t realize how fun you are to be around and that people treasure the time they spend with you. ; )

  7. Melinda says:

    I remember struggling with this fear in young adulthood, but somewhere along the way I was able to let go of it. I don’t remember how or why, but I do believe the phrase “what other people think of me is none of my business” helped me quite a bit. When I no longer worried about what others thought of me, I was able to find joy in just being me. Whether I matter or not…well, it’s none of my business. I’m happy to find something to add to my Not Afraid Of list.

    • Melinda,
      Well put! 🙂 You give me hope to know that somewhere in my “young” adulthood I, too, will be able to let go of the fears that haunt me. Thanks so much for your comment!

  8. Teresa says:

    Melinda, I too struggled with this fear as a child and early adulthood. I missed out on a lot of life because I thought everyone else was better, happier, smarter, prettier, skinnier. . . than I was so they naturally mattered more. As I experience more of life I see first hand that people that I admired, sought to emulate or was just plain jealous of don’t really have what I thought they had. Perfect marriages are riddled with strife, successful people have used others to get where they are, the woman with the beautiful figure has an eating disorder, and that popular girl in school was sexually abused by a teacher. God loves us all and if we don’t love ourselves we are telling God he is wrong.

    I often remember a story I once read about a woman that dreamed of being a famous author and writing books that would help people. Marriage, children, war, the Great Depression, work and just life kept her from reaching that goal. Or so she thought. At her funeral, dozens of friends and family related that the personal letters of encouragement that this woman had written to them made all the difference in their lives. Letters that kept them from suicide, poor decisions, and depression touched more lives than any famous authors books could do for them.

    Keep sharing Gods love, smile, be happy because you do matter. You may not see it now or have people that tell you of your influence in their lives, but NEVER EVER think that you do not matter!

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